Sandpit Play?!

It's another one of those things...you know words in sentences with rhymes at the end...yeah a poem that's the one

Sandpit Play

straight off the cover of some timeless magazine

that i purchased when i was a teen

sealed behind vault doors

have a glance when you would like

but please announce it on the mic

so all the wide world can applause

sharing is caring or so they say

who are these they anyway?

and why are they making the rules

too many questions not enough responses

when all she actually wants is

to half inch those crown jewels

diversifying seems quite the task

rather you didn’t ask

just leave me to my own device

augmented humour easy to miss

serenade me with a kiss

how about we roll the dice

out stay your welcome am i polite

shrunk away into the night

better pour me another two

misdemeanour slap on the wrist

slice of lime with a whisky twist

don’t be embarrassed when i coo

visionary sanctity fades away

innocent youthful sandpit play

don’t show me pictures of your young

feigned interest like cellophane 

take me to a different plane

stepped on traps already sprung

the final bell has rung!

Microscopic Reminders

A quick 'POEM' i wrote literally 5 mins ago


teardrops salting the earth

thumb nailed pictures microscopic reminders

its always finders keepers

thats the rules we try to follow

chasing our tails in a never ending spiral

waiting for it to go viral

you can get some advice

won’t cost you here or so i’ve been led to believe

just as long as you bleed the right colour

intrinsic jaded eyes shining in the night

isn’t quite the sight you were expecting

stay up for the lecture

take notes but never read them

its part of our freedom

interrupting vibrations, mini sensory earthquakes

for all our sakes turn it off

Peace 

The Shenanigans - A Poem?

Here is another little ditty i wrote recently...or spewed out

Perversely observing the shenanigans

sprinkle optic feast with tarragon

make it taste pukka you little dumb fucker

slipped tongue joke, cheshire cat smile through vaporised smoke

consuming pressure cooker coke, with a bloke we called henry

outside there’s a spark which enlightens the dark

discussing souls loan shark

the whole is empty and closed from entry

clasped hands are turning last light is burning

creeping doubts returning painted on faces gurning

please be upstanding, brace for crash landing

the conclusions fade, consumed by the encroaching shade

an often calculated trade when h20 is craved

former shell of a shape, draped across the landscape

washed up on mornings shore, screaming for an encore

to witness the chatterbox tour a spiral eyed trap door

build it they’ll attend, until the bitter end

no verses to spare, eyes met with blank stare

members only palliative care, sorry

If you want to hear my dulcet tones reciting it then head over here!

https://soundcloud.com/shake-n-bake-gaming/the-shenanigans

Clarities Not A Sin

Another what some would call a poem...i prefer to think of as a happy accident of rhyming words arranged in rows and lines

Clarities Not A Sin

It helps to be factual, the facts will distract

Occupy the mind, don’t let focus be hacked.

Wandering thoughts, tire with each pace

Footsteps in memories forever interlaced.

Meaning behind words is lost but retained,

No thief could have stolen when all else is drained.

Murky, smirking judgement allowed to reset,

Gratitude overarching, forever in your debt.

Clarities not a sin but still i do avoid,

No poetry in the obvious when ridged like corduroid.

Existence of the moments are immune from time,

Longevity of inclusion surpasses the last chime.

Satisfaction overburdens, inevitably underwhelms

Forced to pursue unreachable realms.

Challenge is a product purchased by the sane,

Pursued by the envious ultimately all in vane.

Introspect and conclusion, a lifetime review

Loyalty and respect, available to accrue.

Penultimate principle station announced, all aboard

Enlightened self reflection, will soon be ignored

Don't Call It A Come Back! Poem Edition

Hey Yo And Welcome

It's me, the guy you've never heard of BAKER!

Returned to the arena with a brand new selection of inane 'work' and i use the term work very loosely

This is the poem edition of my return

Be sure to let me know what you think...or not...either way

Here's a link to the audio of said poem...apparently now titled 'Sure Footed Scapegoats'

And here it is in words...so old fashioned

Brace yourself we’re ready for the take off

sure footed scapegoats with a smokers cough

sardine sonnets too physical for me

sideways glances go take a knee

device driven diatese hypocrite much

digital ego boost like a virtual crutch

popular playlists populate the airwaves

gremlins like mogwai let loose from their caves

wayward glances begging not to catch an eye

when the moment happens better reach for the sky

slipping off the rails no change in site

step away from the edge doesn’t stop here at night

tired eyed piss holes in the snow

move along matey its not time for the show

visions unexpected but digested over time

chugging and churning stereotyping crime

waving bypassers, passing by waves

cry baby elders perched on judging staves

disingenuined interest, overstating the obvious

high prize praise for a part time hobbyist

nonsensicle nonesense inane to the point

cyclical meaning carved in aching joints

evolution undeveloped humour allowed to rot

bid farewell to reason it was never worth a shot

https://soundcloud.com/shake-n-bake-gaming/sure-footed-scapegoats-a-poem

Digress To Impress, Word!

Friday 26th June, 2015

I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce you fine skin bags to a very dear old friend of mine. 

This lil’ guy is quite the star among stars. 

His name is known through the entire universe, so really you should already know him, in fact, if when I introduce him to you, you don’t know who he is, well that would be just be very embarrassing for you. 

I mean I wouldn’t blame you if you just pretended to know him in order to save yourself hideous, shameful, cringe worthy embarrassment. 

Not that I’m trying to sway you or anything, I wouldn’t do an under handed thing like that 

*twiddles corners of moustache*

Anyway, enough stalling and hyperbole. It’d my great honour to welcome to the stage 

Mr. Alf the Alien

*insert picci-a-ture here, please-ums*

Alf The Alien

Impressed? 

I’m not surprised. 

We are very lucky to have him here today with us. He’s made the trip all the way from Galcon 4, and before you say it, yes, it does sound like a product that makes washing machine live longer, like no other.

Big shot Alf over here is a revered warrior on his home planet. He single handedly, or should I say multi tentacledy (warning: made up word overload) defeated a whole invading armada.

I know what your thinking, he looks like space butter wouldn’t melt on his forked tongue, but it would! 

And quickly. 

I mean the temperatures on Galcon 4 are ridiculous, im talking like super warm. I would almost go as far as to describe them as uber cozy. 

And I’m not in the practice of making those kinds of descriptions lightly.

Right I’ve digressed far too much. Alf is here today to talk to you about a very important subject. A subject close to his, squishy, pulsating space heart. 

It is of course...

fire safety...

and in particular, smoke alarms.

Alf would like to say to you that you should regularly check the batteries in your home smoke alarms. It’s always better to be safe than sorry, is what he would say. 

It’s kind of a slogan of his you see.
Alf could of course tell you all this himself, but as I mentioned overhead, Alf’s travelled a long way and his space throat is very parched, so its better if I just tell you what he would say. 

Just look at him and pretend he’s the one doing the talking.

I can put on a voice if that would help?

No? 

You just want me to stop talking?

Oh, oh o. k.

*single tear shed*

And I’ll leave you with this

cat-tivity -  imprisoned by a cat

Ode To Toilet

Wednesday 24th June, 2015

   Ceramic prince, smooth and white

   Pay you a visit in the darkest of night

   You see me at my worst but never judge

   I’v looked after you when the flush would not budge

   Your cuddles are cold, but reassuring

   When i'm ill, taking my rainbow yawning

   So thank you so much for all that you’ve done

   This thanks comes from me, oh and my bum

Stay Classy Y'all

Tout Le Monde

Tuesday 23rd June, 2015

From giant acorns, tiny trees will grow. It’s like the Benjamin Button effect for trees. 
This is a new dawn, a new day, some would say, for me and you. I feel like there’s a song in there somewhere.

It’s difficult to say, especially without teeth, or lips, or a face even. Some people don’t keep this in mind when they judge the actions of others. What about poor Faceless Fran, Lipless Lilly or Toothless Tom. Spare a thought for Tongue-less Tony and Tonsil-less Tina and don’t even get me started on poor, defenseless, Larynxless Larry. 

These unfortunate inflicted (and named) individuals deserve a break, they also deserve a KitKat (product placement). Of course many of them would not be able to eat said KitKat, but hey! 
It’s the thought that counts, which is not the case for Brainless Barry, but he’s another tale for another era. I don’t have the heart to spin you the fable at this momento in time, much like Heartless Heath.


Racism is a funny word, I said word not subject, so get off your high horse and don’t even think of getting on that soap box, and no you can’t even mount your stilt wearing pony. It sounds like a term used within a race event. A Race-ism.
To avoid any further tar, and or, feathering I will now swiftly and smoothly, with the help of this star wipe transition

-------------* (swoosh)

move onto a new subject….Aids! “C’est pas possible!” (say-pah-po-see-bluh)

Nope.

A touchy subject, could either be a subject you touch, or a person/thing that does not like to be touched. Very confusing, I wish words or phrases where much more clearerer, much like this blog-ington. If everyone could just be many more like me, then the world would be many more noticeably a translucent place.

Comprende ?!

Aim Low, Sell Out High

Monday 4th August, 2014

So, the time has come for me to reveal my greatest secret to all of the world, however unfortunately, the whole world hasn't turned up yet, and i'm not in a habit of repeating myself.

So those of you who arrived on time are just going to have to sit patiently, and if you can't manage that then try standing patiently and if that doesn't work, just pace back and forward whilst maintaining a patient look upon your face.
Good, now that's settled, let's get onto the second order of business.

I think the moustache should be renamed, the mouth brow.
Consistency and all that.
I mean moustache has no meaning at all. Now 'Mouth Brow' that's something we can all get excited about.

"That's a mighty fine mouth brow you have there sir"you can say,

"why thank you fella-me-lad, i grew'd it meself", is one thing they could very possbile, although unlikely, say back.

I mean, it just opens so many doors that up to this point have been simply unopenable, and i'm not one to be told which and which not doorsisis can and cannoted be opened.

Dizzie Rascal was on to something when he articulated the words 'fix up, look sharp', a fine moto we should all live by.
Indeed we should all endeavour to both fix up and then continue on and look sharp. You may be sitting, standing or pacing around and thinking to yourself

'but how can i possibly hope to do both these tasking tasks?'

Good question, and im not saying it will happen over night, or even over day, but one day, or night, it will happen, your hard work will pay off and you will achieve the seemingly impossible.

Dream On You Shiny Diamond

The Year Today - The Re-Beginulation

Sunday 3rd August, 2014

Welcome brave space and time adventurer to the FUTURE! You have travelled a long and winding way, from 2011 to 2014. It has been a tiring journey I assume, so you will need rest.
Lay your head down on the nearby pile of rusty rust and i shall sing you a soothing lullaby to help you drift off to the land of noddy-bies. I only ask you don't peek at me whilst I sing, i get terrible debilitating stage fright

Go to sleepington, and good nightington
Don't wakerly every hour
Go to sleepington and good nightington
Or you may get devoured
Peaceful sleepington and silent nightington
Did i forget to mention the demon
Peaceful sleepington and silent nightington
He looks a lil like Morgan Freeman
Your a sleepington it is nightington
Don't panic if you see him
Your a sleepington it is nightington
He is really rather dim

I hope that soothed what ails ya. As with every nursery lullaba-rhyme, this one too holds a moral.
It's all and mainly, but not exclusively, about not judging a book by its online reviews.

I mean sure some people will say it sucks and should never have seen the light of day, but who are they to judge, i don't see them slaving away at a typewriter all day long, and i'v looked.
How dare they pass such harsh criticism on someone else's blood sweat and words. I mean really, how rude, i'v got a good mind (citation needed) to go on over there right now and give them a piece of my mind, along with a piece of my foot up their ass.

Makes my blood boil, which as i found out is no good what-so-ever for making a cup of tea. So what am i meant to do with all this boiled blood, huh? you tell me? your the smarty pants in this one sided converse-athon.

No? Didn't think so.

MC Mc-Daddy Out!