Digress To Impress, Word!

Friday 26th June, 2015

I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce you fine skin bags to a very dear old friend of mine. 

This lil’ guy is quite the star among stars. 

His name is known through the entire universe, so really you should already know him, in fact, if when I introduce him to you, you don’t know who he is, well that would be just be very embarrassing for you. 

I mean I wouldn’t blame you if you just pretended to know him in order to save yourself hideous, shameful, cringe worthy embarrassment. 

Not that I’m trying to sway you or anything, I wouldn’t do an under handed thing like that 

*twiddles corners of moustache*

Anyway, enough stalling and hyperbole. It’d my great honour to welcome to the stage 

Mr. Alf the Alien

*insert picci-a-ture here, please-ums*

Alf The Alien

Impressed? 

I’m not surprised. 

We are very lucky to have him here today with us. He’s made the trip all the way from Galcon 4, and before you say it, yes, it does sound like a product that makes washing machine live longer, like no other.

Big shot Alf over here is a revered warrior on his home planet. He single handedly, or should I say multi tentacledy (warning: made up word overload) defeated a whole invading armada.

I know what your thinking, he looks like space butter wouldn’t melt on his forked tongue, but it would! 

And quickly. 

I mean the temperatures on Galcon 4 are ridiculous, im talking like super warm. I would almost go as far as to describe them as uber cozy. 

And I’m not in the practice of making those kinds of descriptions lightly.

Right I’ve digressed far too much. Alf is here today to talk to you about a very important subject. A subject close to his, squishy, pulsating space heart. 

It is of course...

fire safety...

and in particular, smoke alarms.

Alf would like to say to you that you should regularly check the batteries in your home smoke alarms. It’s always better to be safe than sorry, is what he would say. 

It’s kind of a slogan of his you see.
Alf could of course tell you all this himself, but as I mentioned overhead, Alf’s travelled a long way and his space throat is very parched, so its better if I just tell you what he would say. 

Just look at him and pretend he’s the one doing the talking.

I can put on a voice if that would help?

No? 

You just want me to stop talking?

Oh, oh o. k.

*single tear shed*

And I’ll leave you with this

cat-tivity -  imprisoned by a cat